The Onion Newsroom, 2008: "Sources Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013."

After last night's VMA performance, this old video is charting on Reddit (where the top comment is "When can we start using The Onion as a credible source?"):



We were talking about the VMA performance in a post earlier this morning, and you can see it here. I was going to watch it closely and opine on the race-and-gender politics and the symbolism of teddy bears, but then I didn't. Let's just watch the old Bjork video, directed by Michael Gondry, for "Human Behavior." That had some strange bears around a puzzling young woman:



If you ever get close to a human/And human behavior/You'd better be ready to get confused....

Watch for the moment when the bear decides You know what, I don't want to be in your stupid iPhone viral video.

Hit pause or mute at 1:40 if you don't want to hear the man say "holy shit."

"A man doing yard work in Burnett County in northwestern Wisconsin was mauled by a black bear..."

So do we need to start worrying about bears? In Wisconsin?

The incident on Monday night started when Brown's dog tangled with the bear. Brown tried to intervene and was mauled.

I can't imagine getting into a dog-bear melee. There was a similar story a month ago that also began with a bear and a dog and the dog's man getting involved. That was the one where the man's wife came to the rescue with a shotgun and hit the bear with the gun, which she didn't know how to load.

Here's a poll (where you need to assume you have a dog):

If you had no weapon, would you fight a bear to try to save your dog?
	Yes, because I'm brave and strong and I love my dog.
	Yes, because I'd rather die than live knowing I didn't give everything for my dog.
	No, because the dog got himself into trouble and there's no sense in us both going down.
	No, because I dearly love that dog but I'm terrified of getting mauled.
pollcode.com free polls

"Bear Species, In Order Of Quality."

"13. Fake Bears. The koala bear is not a bear. Nor is the Asian bearcat, the water bear, the teddy bear, or the red panda.... 12. Boring Brown Bear... 8. Grizzly Bear...."

You won't guess what #1 is.

The bear "took my dog and then it came back to kill me. It had death in its eyes."

"This beast was thirsty for blood. This beast wanted to destroy... I figured my best chance was to run outside by the street so that someone could find me... He had four paws on top of me…he peeled my forehead skin to the back of my head off... Then, he turned me over and tried to bite my stomach and hips. That gave me just a few seconds to curl into a ball and protect my head, which exposed my arm pits and shoulder blades... It doesn’t feel anything. It is a merciless creature... By that time I could feel my body become lifeless... Out of nowhere I heard a horn and these two angles  [sic] saved my life..."

Nothing would stop the merciless beast... except a car horn.

Feed the bears.

"Among Derocher's scenarios is using helicopters to airdrop food on polar bears as their icy habitat continues to melt — at a cost of $32,000 per day for the 'most accessible' bears."

"We were in this town in northern Manitoba where polar bears literally will walk down Main Street."

"There are polar bears in this town. People will leave their cars and houses unlocked, and it's perfectly good form just to duck into any open door you can find when there's a polar bear chasing you."

"I've been there. Drunk, looking for a snack, couldn't get the pickle jar open."

Top comment at the YouTube video "Incredible footage of BBC cameraman and hungry polar bear."

"Boyfriend Bears is a non-profit organization that encourages pre-teen and teenage girls to live a life of purity."

"Our bears serve as a reminder that we promote purity to be a lifestyle. Boyfriend Bears provides the opportunity for girls to make a stand for what they believe in and to stay strong in their morals."

Via Metafilter. Sample comments from there:

"It's like Japanese body pillow girlfriends, but not as creepy, because it's pure."

"This is what killed Timothy Treadwell."

"Wow, that part about writing letters to your future husband, tucking it into a special pocket in the teddy bear and then giving them to him on your wedding day...that squicked me out."

"Does this mean the purity rings are not working?"