And the award for Getting to the High Ground While Ditching Your Spouse Who Got Cancer goes to Catherine Zeta-Jones.

"The Welsh actress, 43, split from [Michael] Douglas, 68, after he claimed that his throat cancer was caused by the HPV virus, which he contracted from giving oral sex. Douglas did not make it clear he was exposed to HPV BEFORE meeting his wife, who felt this was the last straw."

Hey, old man, while you're busy dying of cancer, how about making it clear whose parts you were tonguing at the time you contracted that damned cancer that's screwing up my life too. Huh? Would it be too much trouble?!

I'm dying and you're going to needle me about the precision of speech?! The precision of the speech coming out of my CANCEROUS THROAT??!!!!

This is the last straw!

The last straw? The last straw?! Like there were all those other straws?

As a matter of fact, yes. There's the straw that's the fact that you are 25 year older than me and the straw that's me being so much prettier than you. Especially now that you've got throat cancer.

You monster! You won't look so pretty when the whole world sees what a monster you are.

The world will see one thing and one thing only: You said you got throat cancer from cunnilingus with me.